Plaid Thursday Will Solve All Problems

From all casual appearances, Thursday is a day plagued with mundanity.  It squats like a tacky lawn ornament in the middle realms of the week.  It is most recognizable by its relation to other days of the week — it is not Wednesday, the midpoint, nor is it Friday, the prelude to the weekend.  Even worse, Thursday is the only day of the work week that lacks a PACK time — that thirty-minute salvation that gives students the freedom to empty their brains and gossip and occasionally chip away at homework.  Truly, Thursday is a day severely lacking in redeeming qualities.

But there is a glimmer of hope in these long days of darkness.  A glimmer characterized by interlocking stripes that form a square-ish pattern.  Yes, the answer is plaid.

Wearing plaid on Thursday has been a Black Hills High School tradition since way back in the spring of 2014. (Note that this pre-dates days of Regular-Schedule Thursdays.)  The movement, though still relatively underground, has caught on in recent months — look closely and you will see many students adorned in squares-and-stripes button-ups on every pre-Friday.  Popular teachers have even recognized and endorsed the trend — in the past Mrs. Kelly has prescribed a mass plaid-wearing for AP U.S. History students on the (Thurs)day of their A.P. test.  Clearly plaid holds marvelous abilities to calm nerves and increase test performance of students schoolwide.  The colorful checkers of plaid can add spice and joviality to even the less relevant Thursdays, those imbibed with straining boredom instead of fervent anxiety.  Long-time apostles of the Plaid Thursday phenomenon have actually reported looking forward to Thursdays because of the joy inherent in the communal wearing of plaid!

 Not only is plaid a universal problem-solver, it is also extremely fashion-forward.  Experts agree that a plaid shirt can increase an individual’s attractiveness by up to 50 points.  Celebrities such as Emma Watson and Chris Pine have endorsed the wearing of flannel products.

All of these attributes are reason to wonder at all of the other untapped benefits of the plaid shirt.  Plainly it has the potential to bring magnificence to the otherwise-bleak time-wasteland that is the average school Thursday.  Plaid, if worn en masse and treated in high regard, could resolve minor wars, halt diseases, and bring about love and understanding of fellow man.

In short, the benefits of plaid are universal and will continue to influence our lives for years to come.  Plaid Thursday is one sure-fire way to strengthen this positivity.  And it is important to remember: as the Immortal Bard once quoth, “this above all: to thine own plaid be true.”

By Fiona McBride


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