Just a Bunch of Rad Bad Dad Jokes

  1. Did you hear the one about the deaf guy? No? Neither did he.
  2. Horses are the biggest hipsters. They knew the whip and the neigh-neigh way before anyone else.
  3. What’s the difference between pot-eh-to and pot-ah-to? A pot-eh-to is Canadian.
  4. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay, he woke up.
  5. Two blocks of cheese live in a freezer. One day, one of the blocks of cheese is removed, and returns in a bag, shredded. The first block of cheese said to the second, “Dude! What happened to you last night?” The cheese in the bag sighed and said, “I don’t know, man, but it was grate.”
  6. What’s a Russian’s favorite drink? Lenin-ade.
  7. Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares. It’s a chicken.
  8. Why didn’t the skeleton have a prom date? He didn’t have to guts to ask anyone.
  9. I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. Apparently they don’t like it if you take a few days off.
  10. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans.
  11. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
  12. Cats are so impatient. They want everything right meow.
  13. What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant.
  14. What’s the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a bottle of glue? You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna. What about the glue? I knew you’d get stuck there.
  15. Why did the zombie get the part of the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz? Because you could tell he wanted a brain more than anyone else.
  16. What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
  17. What’s black, white, and red all over? A zebra in a lion’s den.
  18. What does England have in common with Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic? They’re both surrounded by water.
  19. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
  20. Why are bouncy castles so expensive? Inflation.
  21. Why are trees so suspicious looking? They’re just so shady.
  22. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
  23. What did the duck say to the bartender as he was leaving? “Just put the tab on my bill.”

By Olivia Steele


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